It is a characteristic of a 'talking therapy' that no easy answers are offered. Rather the counsellor will help the client explore the problem and seek to understand it in their own terms and, if possible, help to identify a remedy within their control. It follows from this that the client needs to be a very active partner in the process. Not everyone finds it easy to talk but many find it surprisingly beneficial.
Sometimes, just talking the issue through with somebody completely outside of the situation is enough to put it into perspective. For instance, a person may realise that thoughts and feelings which were worrying them are perfectly natural and appropriate in the circumstances and they realise they can cope. Sometimes it takes much more than that and the process is hard work for both client and counsellor.
In either case, the client needs to know that the counsellor is a very good listener and has considerable understanding and experience of psychological distress. Counsellors undergo substantial training and are also required by their code of practice to receive regular consultative support (supervision), no matter how experienced they are, to ensure that they are doing the very best for their clients.
During counselling and coaching sessions focus is placed on ways to encourage change. You will contribute to this process, viewing the current situation (sometimes troubling and/or despairing, sometimes just uncomfortable) and find ways to move toward choice and possibility. Working substantially in the "here-and-now" will hopefully lead to seeing and understanding things differently.
Counselling may help you if you have a sense that something is not quite right and it's beginning to affect your quality of life on a day to day basis.
The kind of problems that might benefit from counselling are:
It can be daunting to seek this kind of help; no-one knows quite what to expect until they try it. Every counselling situation is unique and there can be no guarantee of efficacy in every case.
If you haven't considered relationship counselling before, please don't leave it until it's too late.
Mindfulness plays a significant part in a counselling process where you will participate toward discovering different ways of being in your world. Mindfulness has varied meanings, the dictionary say taking thought or care (of).
While none of us welcome the uncomfortable, hard and difficult things or people in our lives, hardly any of us can say they have not experienced those times. What to do with that knowledge is what mindfulness talks about. Your mind can activate ways of acting rather than reacting; responding rather than lashing out unthinkingly
Sometimes the basis for these feelings is clear and we may have issues such as grief/loss or childhood abuse, depression, problems in relationships, anxiety, isolation/loneliness or work problems. At other times, it is not as clear as to what triggers the feelings. Either way, counselling could help.
Sustaining a fulfilling and stable relationship has never been easy. Pressures from the outside, such as work, money, health issues and family problems can all too often have an adverse impact on relationships.
Marriage counselling/couple counselling is a confidential activity in which you and your partner pay a trained and experienced relationship counsellor to spend time listening to what each of you says, getting to know both of you and developing an understanding of your particular circumstances and offering you both support, insight and encouragement through:
Counsellors are experienced in helping people think about their relationships and resolving some of the conflicts and tensions.
During a lasting relationship, a couple can face a series of important decisions and turning points. For example, whether to get married, how to adjust to pregnancy and the birth of a baby, problems with health, work-related issues and problems as the couple grow older. Relationship counselling enables the couple to examine and decide how best to cope with these difficulties in a private and safe environment with the help of professional counsellor.
The ending of a marriage or a long relationship is generally a slow and painful process. Counselling can help people going through this to overcome emotional difficulties and develop the confidence to rebuild their lives. Particular emphasis is placed on helping parents achieve stable and workable arrangements for their children.
Ideally, you should go to counselling together: it's hard to build a team if only half the players are there. Often, if one person makes the decision to give counselling a try, the partner will decide to go too.
If your partner flatly refuses to join you, there are lots of things counselling can help you sort out on your own. There may be changes you can make alone that will have a positive impact on your relationship. Some people also prefer to have counselling on their own at first to work out their feelings before seeing another counsellor as a couple.
Couples have found it useful to have worked on issues such as
The number of counselling sessions varies from person to person. Many people come just once or for a few sessions. Others come over a greater period of time.
Some people are very clear about what they want to achieve in counselling. They have one or two specific areas they want to explore and they are ready to work at a rapid pace.
Other people feel less sure about what is going on in their lives and what they need to do. They may have a lot they want to say but not find it easy.
In counselling you decide on the pace and focus of the sessions. Counsellors ensure that you are in charge of the process and will regularly review with you how you feel it is going. Although it is impossible to predict how long counselling will last or exactly the path it will take, the Counsellor will respect your needs and wishes at all points.
If true change in a relationship is to take place and endure over time, the age-old habit of assigning blame and shame outwardly is just going to have to be un-learned.
The only side of a street we can clean up is our own.
Relationship counselling is a courageous step that a couple takes because it often unmasks our vulnerability, our self-esteem, our need for love, nurturance, attention and belonging, our fears of abandonment and rejection, our fears of inadequacy in relationship to others.
To the extent that we are afraid to face these things in ourselves, we will resort most often to blame and shame.
What you bring into the counselling session in terms of your true desire for change is what will determine the outcome more than any other factor. Both people in the relationship might spend a little time separately thinking about the following questions prior to the counselling appointment:
1. What do you FEEL is the most significant problem right now in your relationship with your partner? How do you FEEL about the problem? Are you most angry, sad, frustrated, disappointed, etc.?
2. What is your own part in the problem? How do you FEEL about that?
3.And what part might you have in creating a solution to the problem?
4.What specific results do you want to see come out of marriage/couples counselling? Are the results you are looking for more involved in changing the other person or changing yourself?
Many couples who decide to go to counselling say that it has changed their relationship in very dramatic ways and has helped them break out of ruts that they've felt stuck in for a very long time.